At A Shop Other Than My Own

Going through my morning ritual, library pit stop to print assignments because Vista rejects printers like bad organs. I stop at Java City, for lack of better option, for anything but coffee aka Diet Pepsi, Plain Bagel with cream cheese... or shmear if you want to be a Streisand about it. 

At the register, post order placement... "Trying to get some breakfast? Is that the plan?"... pardon? No, sir, as it happens I have found a mechanism with which I may alter the chemical makeup of Philadelphia cream cheese creating a deliciously fattening plastic explosive which I intend to use to kill the prime minister of Malaysia. Thank you for asking.